Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Why Brad and Angelina can manage four kids....

....because they don't live in my house.

Honestly. These stars who keep picking up kids everytime they go to the grocery store. They just need to spend one week in my house, living my life. Brad and Angelina can manage their four kids because it's all they have to do. I know that Angelina has not sorted socks in about 12 years. If she saw the laundry pile I have waiting for me, she wouldn't know where to begin. These stars who never let their kids rot their brains by letting them watch tv? Big fat liars. Their nanny is the one who has to try and entertain four kids with no tv while Angelina is visiting the UN.

This has been the glamour in my life this past week: I have been painting the trim in my house. But before I can actually paint the trim, I have been spending HOURS AND HOURS sanding and scraping the old paint. The people who owned our house before we bought it were, let's just say, complete idiots. We discover evidence of this regularly. From the light switches that are attached to nothing, to the lack of sump pump, to the pink Victorian wallpaper in our kitchen, to the carpeting in the bathroom with the leaky shower--it didn't take us long to discover that we purchased a gem. The house is adorable--it's a cape cod with a large covered front porch, and a huge back yard. A gardener's dream. And we have spent the last 10 years trying to undo all of the inexplicable things the previous owners have done to the house. I could have a blog that focused solely on this house, there are so many issues.

Our house has Anderson wood framed double hung windows throughout. They are beautiful and I love them. We also have solid wood six-panel doors and wood trim, not to mention about 500 wooden spindles up the staircase. These geniuses painted each and every piece of wood trim, doors, and windows with oil over latex. Which means you can scrape it off with your thumbnail. And when I try to sand it to prepare it for painting, the paint immediately gums up and I have to scrape it all off. So I am sanding everything down to the bare wood, priming it, and painting it correctly. I will be doing this until I die. Wouldn't it be easier to just replace the trim? That would mean replacing every single door in my house, every single window, all of the window trim, all of the spindles--it would cost thousands and thousands of dollars to replace everything they painted with this weird buttery yellow oil paint. So I am slowly making my way through the house--scraping, sanding, and painting. I don't do it often because it is such an ordeal.

But this weekend I decided I could not stand to look at my one unpainted window in my living room any longer and the two door frames in the playroom, along with the new window in our new office that was still bare wood. I can't even tell you how many hours I spent removing the old paint, cleaning up, priming, and painting two coats of Benjamin Moore Linen White. And while I am patting myself on the back for a job well done, I can't help but panic over what I have abandoned while focusing on that project: the laundry, feeding my family, emails, knitting....Mike and I have had dinner at 8:00 the past two nights in a row.

Today I am going to fold laundry. I have about 7 loads to fold. Seriously. I also need to get a handle on the knitting situation: I am blocking Peter's present, which must be assembled before Sunday. I have three hats to knit for the boys' swimming teacher. I'm still working on the cake. I have Audrey's holiday bazaar and Venue. And a woman in Australia emailed me about a bunny I sold on Etsy--she is trying to knit an elephant from the same pattern and is stuck. She's a new knitter and for some reason I feel compelled to help her. She knits toys for under privileged kids and I'm up for the challenge. So I told her I would knit the elephant up and make notes on the areas she is having trouble with. Mike is rather annoyed about this last project, but I quit listening to his yarn complaints a long time ago.

And I need to purchase more paint-stripping sandpaper. I still have all of the spindles on my staircase, 5 door frames, and 6 doors which need to be sanded and painted. Did I mention I think I may be doing this for the remainder of my life?

So I have no time to adopt additional children, travel to Africa, or attend a Hollywood premier. I can't afford a nanny because I have to buy more sandpaper. And even though my kids clearly watch way more tv then the Brangelina kids do, mine are still smarter.

No comments: