Q. What day is it today?
A. Why, it's Day 5 of Spring Break. The end of 5 long days of no school. The very last day.
Q. Don't Saturday and Sunday count?
A. Not if you're working all weekend.
Q. Going anywhere special today?
A. Oh, we have big plans. I promised the boys a trip to the library. And we also have to go to Michaels to buy some Tacky glue for the solar-system-in-a-shoebox project.
Q. How many times do you think Eric will ask for a candy bar, conveniently located at each checkout aisle at Michaels?
A. Oh, about a million. The part I'm really looking forward to is the ride home when he laments the loss of the candy bar opportunity as if he is lamenting the loss of his only child. Eric is a world class lamenter. Honestly, Eric took lamenting lessons straight out of the Bible. His goal is to learn to rent his clothing and wear sack cloth.
Q. After gluing the planets into the solar-system-in-a-shoebox, what are your plans for the day?
A. I need to finish knitting that horrid wretched evil adult sized strawberry fruit cap that a customer special ordered and that refuses to be knit.
Q. Have you ever knit a strawberry fruit cap before?
A. Only about a million times.
Q. So what is wrong with this one?
A. It's possessed by the devil. I hate it. HATE IT. HATEITHATEITHATEITHATEIT Thunk (sound of hat being thrown across the room). I've tried knitting it 3 times and it's not working. My tension is off, the "seeds" looked weird...it. is. evil.
Q. What are you going to do?
A. I'm thinking of calling the customer and explaining that the cost of yarn has gone up and now the hat will cost her $15497613.00. She'll either pay me or cancel the order and either way I win.
Q. Any other plans today?
A. Well, since today is the first day all week the sun is actually shining and it's warmer than 24 degrees (you think I'm kidding. Our spring has been non-existent), I may go outside and pull 6 more weeds (at least that's how it feels when I'm done. I'll weed for an hour, dump about 12 buckets of weeks, and will have barely made a dent). And then I'll find the boys who have become lost and disoriented in our 4 foot tall grass and feed them something while I try to knit 4 additional cupcakes, one bunny hat, and some vikings for Willow and Bloom, who just placed another order last night.
Q. What about your housework?
A. What about it?
Q. What are you going to do about that strawberry hat?
A. Perhaps a glass of wine would help. It sure can't hurt at this point. In fact, a glass of wine may solve several of the above issues. Excuse me, I need to go....
Friday, April 11, 2008
Q. What day is it today?