Sunday, May 11, 2008

Proof that, just because women CAN go to war, does not mean they SHOULD go to war...

So here it is. Sunday. Two days after the beginning of Sock Wars III. I am so not cut out for this. Truly, I am not a competitive person. I've never claimed to be, but here is the perfect opportunity for me to allow just a tad bit of competitiveness shine through and have fun in the process and where am I? Still fussing with the first heel flap.

I have knit about 50 pairs of sock in my life. Seriously. I admit I'm exaggerating a little bit, but I really have knit a lot of socks. I am no sock-knitting novice. And so here I am, in my element, and I have made about 35 mistakes and I keep dropping stitches off the end of my needle while making the heel flap. This is not something that normally happens to me, I'm using my same old sock needles, I'm making my same old heel flap....there is no explanation for this. But this sock carries no mojo for me. I love the competition and I am committed to seeing this through, but I cannot get myself to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time and knit this pair of socks.

I had to work on Friday night and it was so slow....perfect opportunity to get a few rows of the sock done. Instead I wandered aimlessly, straightening yarn, tidying up... I did knit for a bit when I got home that evening, but when I went to bed I think I had about 2 whole inches done.

I worked all day yesterday and again, not a busy day. I know I could have gotten some more done had I really focused. Instead I began to knit this weird flower shaped washcloth thing to try and show off some yarn we have that will. not. sell.

Got home from work to a house full of my best friends for dinner group. We had a last minute change of venue because Leah was unable to host (mother in the hospital is always a valid excuse for getting out of a dinner party). So Mike cleaned and ordered pizza (ordering out is also a valid option when your cook is at work all day and you spent the entire day taking care of 2 boys and cleaning your scary house). After dinner I pulled out the sock and knit for a bit with the gang, explaining Sock Wars to them, and again, not really getting a whole lot done (more on that in a moment).

Today we had brunch with my family for Mother's Day and got home about 1:00. I had the rare Sunday off work. The perfect opportunity to finally do some serious work on the sock. So, of course, I watched part of the Mariner's game with Ryan, worked in the garden, and am now writing my blog. I have had the last 4 1/2 hours to, basically finish this first sock, and I am unable to discipline myself to do it.

As I said, last night we ordered pizza. Now, we all take Dinner Group pretty seriously. We've been meeting for about 10 years and we have had some scrumptious meals. This is the host's chance to go all-out. The most elaborate meals I have ever cooked, ever, have been for Dinner Group. In the last few years, as more and more kids have been born, we have changed the format to more of a potluck, but each dish is still chosen with much thought and care. We do not order pizza. But last night our circumstances dictated takeout, and we ordered some seriously great pizza from Flying Pie. Although Leah was not up to the task of making a dinner for 8 last night, she did fulfill the most important part of her original obligation--the hootch.

This is how the cure
for smallpox was discovered--I'm sure of it!

Perhaps it would have
worked better if I had
been wearing a lab coat.

Leah brought homemade Margaritas, and two big jugs of this microbrew beer that you can only get from the brewery. It was really good. Really really good.

Giggly good. I'm-unable-to concentrate-on-this-sock-and-carry-on-a-conversation-good.

As the evening wore on and we continued to partake, somehow the conversation meandered into yarn. We had been talking about Sock Wars for awhile, but then at some point, Gordon asked a question about yarn and I found myself telling everyone about a customer I had earlier in the day who wanted to know how to tell if some yarn she bought at a garage sale is really wool. Based on information I received from what I thought were reliable sources, I recommended that she take a match to a piece of the yarn to see if it burns. Wool is suppose to have a natural fire retardant. From what I've been told.

Serious Lab Work
Heidi, Gordon, Andy, and Michelle.
I know how I felt this morning, and I
was as giggly as they were last night.....

Suddenly I had this brilliant idea. Let's try it out for ourselves!

So we all raced into the kitchen to set a bunch of yarn on fire. Yes, we did this. 8 college educated professional adults/responsible parents/church elders experimenting with yarn pyrotechnics.

The first thing we discovered is that wool actually does burn. Everone found this to be hysterically funny when Leah pointed out that my poor customer was probably in the middle of calling 911 because when she followed my advice and tossed a match onto her pile of garage sale yarn the entire house probably went up in blazes. Please keep in mind that this is a lot funnier at the end of an evening of Margaritas. We were doubled over. We were gasping for air. Tears were being wiped from our flushed cheeks.

The gang also concluded that my Cascade 220 must have been specially treated to burn, as it clearly being demonstrated on my cutting board and now Leah is thinking I should post an OOPS warning to anyone making helmet liners for the troops. We also discovered that, the more yarn you burn in the kitchen, the worse the house smells for the rest of the night. And when you don't clean up the experiment before going to bed, it's kind of hard to explain to the kids in the morning.

All of this, my friends, is why women like me should stick to the home front.

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